How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
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Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
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Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Father's day, What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday
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Why is being in the Military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
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What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A Bingo Machine.
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What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
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What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1.25, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
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What three two-letter words mean small?
"Is It In?"
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If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what do you have?
Divorce proceedings most likely.
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Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
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Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they're not going to work in the future either.
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What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
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Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only
on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
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What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the
cage, along with a recipe.
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How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say F*ck?
Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "Bingo"
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What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern
fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a  time"  A Southern fairytale
begins "Y'all ain't  gonna believe this shit."